Love yourself this Valentine's day!

For those of you who read my posts regularly, you're probably aware that my two favourite topics within feminism are (1) advertising/media, and (2) body image and self esteem. Since today is Valentine's Day, I wanted to share a quote about loving yourself from one of my favourite writers, Ayn Rand.

I believe that a lack of self esteem is one of the most serious issues facing North American women today. I won't get into too much detail here, but you can read my post The Absolute Importance of Self Esteem to find out why I think self love is critical to happiness and sucess in almost all aspects of your life.

So, this Valentine's day, you should definitely give props to the people in your life that you love, but also remember to love yourself first and foremost. Here is one of my favourite quotes from Ayn Rand (please excuse the masculine pronouns - it was written in 1964!).

"To love is to value. Only a rationally selfish man, a man of self-esteem, is capable of love—because he is the only man capable of holding firm, consistent, uncompromising, unbetrayed values. The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone."

- Ayn Rand in “The Objectivist Ethics,” The Virtue of Selfishness

My Struggle for Housework Equality

I am a feminist and my partner of 7 years is a pro-feminist guy. From the outside we appear like a very modern-day equality-for-all type of couple. And in many ways we are… except for one: household chores.



In chatting with my other feminist friends who are shacked-up with guys, I’ve noticed a definite trend around housework. After first moving in together, the men are keen to help out and put in the effort to get chores done. But after a few months, the honeymoon period ends and the men slide into a more relaxed attitude about housework. My guy and I have been living together for 3.5 years now, and there’s no doubt about it: I am doing the majority of household chores. I can’t help but think, “I’m a feminist… how did I let this happen?!”



In the book When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present authour Gail Collins reports on some interesting studies about the time we spend on housework. Apparently, couples who truly split chores 50/50 are extremely rare, even in homes where both adults work full time. Study after study shows that any way you measure it, women do about twice as much housework as men. It doesn’t matter if you’re working class, middle class, upper class, or the colour of your skin, the ratio remains 2:1. When child care is added to the mix, things become even more lopsided. In families with both parents working, women spend an average of 11 hours a week on childcare, while men spend three. The only households that seem to arrive at equitable divisions of labour more naturally are lesbian couples.



Lisa Belkin, a columnist for the New York Times who wrote on this topic, said she met a few couples who were seriously trying to divide household chores evenly, and it seemed like a tortuous process full of lists, negotiations and struggles on the part of the woman to get the man to understand her higher standards for cleanliness. I can completely understand this; I have tried a hundred different ways to get my partner to do more chores. We have tried everything from a white board where we list tasks to “scheduling” blocks of time into his iPhone calendar for him to do chores. So far, nothing has been very successful. The interesting thing is that he sincerely wants the housework to be divided 50/50, but that's never what happens.



What irks me the most is that I spend a lot of my personal free time doing things for “us” like grocery shopping, tidying the house and organizing our finances. When he has free time, he spends it doing things for himself like surfing the net, playing online games or going fishing. It definitely creates resentment in me, which I occasionally release by screaming at him. And so begins the cycle of the woman nagging, the man getting annoyed, the man not doing the chores, the woman getting even more resentful, the woman nagging again… and on and on it goes.



So what’s a modern day feminist to do? Why are all my straight feminist friends and I in the exact same situation? Should we lower our cleanliness standards, or should the men pick up their game? Thoughts, ideas, comments and suggestions are welcome!

Archie Finally Commits and Picks his Wife

Well, after 67 years of being entangled in a cartoon love triangle, Archie has finally decided to tie the knot. The woman he chose? The vixen Veronica Lodge.

I've always been a fan of Betty, so I was a little disappointed to hear that Archie chose Veronica. I'm not alone in my disappointment - 78% of people surveyed by the Globe & Mail wanted Betty to be the bride, and only 22% chose Veronica. I always thought Archie and Betty were destined to be together, and Veronica and Reggie would make a good couple.

So, what is the significance of Archie's choice? Betty is definitetly the "girl next door" - a sweet, innocent girl that a man could walk all over and she would remain loyal to him. She's the kind of woman a man in the 1950's would love to take home to meet the parents.

Veronica is the opposite. She's spoiled, she always gets what she wants, and she doesn't seem to give much in return. Maybe there's something about unattainable, hard-to-reach women that turns Archie's crank. With Betty it was all too easy... was she too available?

As polar opposites, Betty and Veronica have always represented the good girl / bad girl dichotomy. Why did Archie go with the bad girl? Maybe he was just trying to be smart in these tough economic times. In today's Globe and Mail, feminist professor Maureen Bradley from the University of Victoria said "the spoiled rich girl is still more appealing, and maybe that's a wise thing to pick in these uncertain times."

What are your thoughts and/or theories on Archie's choice?

Ellen and Portia Sitting in a Tree

Oh, how sweet is love! Here is a delightful video of Ellen and her wife Portia, who have now been married for over seven months.



And some insight on same-sex marriage from Bill Maher:

"Let's face it. When people talk about homosexuality being unnatural, and abomination, they're not talking about the women. No, no, they're talking about the men. Nobody seems to find anything so abominable about Britney Spears tonguing Madonna. Or Gina Gershon in bed with Jennifer Tilly. Or anything else on the third shelf of my 'library.' No, in America, when a man puts something in another man, it had better be a bullet."

Why Rihanna, Why?

Check out this video about the whole Rihanna/Chris Brown situation. Personally, I am shocked that Rihanna is getting back together with Chris, and that she has asked the judge not to press charges against him. After hearing that he bit her ear and smashed her head against the side of a car, I can't help but ask, "why Rihanna, why?

Oprah has been so disturbed by this whole Rihanna/Chris Brown case that she has decided to do a show about domestic violence on Thursday March 12 - it would probably be worth checking out.

As Oprah says, "Love doesn't hurt. If a man hits you once, he will hit you again."

Shocking Stats from Across the Pond

The UK's feminist blog The F-Word has posted some shocking statistics on the attitudes of men and women in England and Wales on issues of domestic violence.

See their post for more details, but here are a few quick stats:

• 1 in 5 believe there is an excuse for domestic violence.
  
  
• 6% believe it's acceptable for a man to hit or slap his girlfriend or wife if she is dressed in sexy/revealing clothing in public. 14% believe it's sometimes acceptable to hit/slap her in that situation.
  
  
• 15% believe the woman should be held responsible for rape or sexual assault if she was using drugs at the time. 11% believe the women should be held responsible if she was drunk.
  

• 47% believe the woman should be held responsible or part-responsible for rape or sexual assault if she works as a prostitute.

• 52% believe the woman is responsible or part-responsible for rape or sexual assault if she does not clearly say NO to the man.
  

Tonight: Chivalry, Schmivalry...?

I recently found myself filling out an on-line questionnaire out of boredom the other night. One of the questions was regarding the importance of chivalry as we refer to it in today's culture: acts of courtesy shown by men towards women. The question asked whether or not chivalry is dead or if it's still kicking but kinda useless in relation to modern courtship. I had to really stop myself and use my entire grey matter to even begin to come to my conclusion; it was as though I had never considered this before. And it feels as though I haven’t yet... at least not as thoroughly as I would hope.

Is chivalry dead? Is it ancient, outdated and unnecessary? Should a modern, socially aware woman be offended by acts of chivalry shown towards her by a man? I have been questioning this and can’t seem to find any satisfaction in mulling it over alone. So on tonight's show, Jennie and I are going to look at where Chivalry comes from historically, how it works for us ladies and of course, how it works for men.

For some good reads relating to our topic tonight, we've decided to post some interesting articles and blog entries from some of our favorite sites. Check out Jezebel's totally adorable 5 Rules of The New Chivalry as well as The Crap Anti-Feminist Manifesto From A Dude in which some kid claims Feminism has killed Chivalry among other things.

A couple of other fun reads to check out include Smug Intentions: Richard and Judy on Chivalry and Dear Ladies, Chivalry Makes Life More Worth Living!


Of course you can always find other interesting feminist reads at Jezebel or The F Word.

Tune in tonight at 8:30 PM MST on CJSW 90.9 FM or stream it live from the CJSW website.

Tonight: "Mr. Right" (Monday Dec 1, 2008 8:30pm MST)

On tonight's show we'll be airing a discussion between Jennie and I along with our guest volunteers, Casey and Morgan. The four of us sat down to talk about the idea of the alleged "Mr. Right".

Is the notion of finding one's "Mr. Right" a fictional, socially constructed figment of our imagination, or is it a valid basis on which to form our standards in terms of relationships? What kind of role has this image played in our past? In current pop-culture? We'll ask some of these questions and look at how this idea is presented in the media on shows like Sex and The City and in film; particularly, Disney' s Snow White.

This is the last of two contributions to the show by Casey and Morgan over the past few weeks, so a special thanks goes out to them for their hard work!

Tune in Monday Dec 1, 2008 at 8:30 PM (MST) on CJSW 90.9 FM or listen online @ www.cjsw.com